I chewed tobacco. A lot.

I did it for many years beginning as a teenager and continuing through college. I knew it wasn’t good for me, and I had personal experience as evidence that it wasn’t particularly becoming to the ladies. Yet, I continued to do it.

One day, after I’d been dating this girl for a while, she laid it on the table for me. She essentially said “Either lose the tobacco or lose me.”

I quit right then and there and haven’t touched the stuff since.

My conclusion . . . my internal motivation wasn’t enough to change my behavior even though I knew what I should do. I needed an external motivator to kick me in the head and change behavior.

By the way, I married that girl.

Maybe You Need A Kick In The Head Too

We all know how to lose weight and get in better shape. It involves putting the right food in our mouths, getting healthy amounts of sunshine and making time to play or exercise on a regular basis.

But why aren’t we all healthy and in good shape? Why is our nation getting fatter and less healthy with each passing year?

I’m convinced that most people would prefer to be healthy. But they aren’t.

Likewise, in general terms, we all know how to improve our personal finances.

It revolves around spending less than we earn and putting some of that money away for a rainy day, or retirement.

Yet, we are a nation of spenders and consumers. Whether looking at ourselves or our government, we’ve all become accustomed to spending money we don’t have.

Once again, I think most people would like to have sound personal finances, but more and more people don’t. In fact, my impression is that most people are increasingly becoming less and less financially “fit”.

And I’m not writing this as someone that has this figured out. While I feel good about my family’s finances, I personally struggle with eating right and staying in shape even though I know what I need to do.

I could go on . . .

Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?

I think there are several factors and possible explanations, and I’m not going to try to provide answers to all of them. However, I do have a theory that I want to share with you.

If we, collectively, know the solution to certain problems, but we continue to experience the same problems, I would suggest that we’re not asking the right questions.  Put another way, we’re attempting to solve the wrong problems or fix the wrong issue.

Let me elaborate . . .

Think of all the fitness and health infomercials and advertising you’re exposed to on a regular basis. Pretty much across the board they’re marketing to our desire to look good. It’s all focused on external motivations. And while many people are motivated and achieve success by focusing on external triggers, I don’t think it’s what make most of us tick, at least judging by most peoples’ results.

So let’s look at the fitness/health issue from another perspective . . . what other benefits could you achieve from losing weight and maintaining good health? How about:

• You’ll spend less time at the doctor and spend less money on health expenses
• You’ll be better prepared to deal with sudden illness or an accident
• You’ll certainly be able to better care for your family
• You can contribute to the likelihood that you’ll live longer to spend time with those that you love and care about
• You’ll feel better, sleep better and have more energy to pursue things that are important to you

So, instead of focusing on losing weight just because you have an upcoming high school reunion, why not think of the broader quality of life issues that are associated with achieving better overall health.

Again, you already have the answers. You just need to find the right motivation that will lead to the right behavior and results.

The same thing applies to your finances, I think.

I think you could ask just about anyone, and they would agree that they’d like to make or have more money. But why? I don’t subscribe to the idea that more money necessarily makes life easier and makes all your problems go away.

Now, I’m not being naive. I know you need money to pay the bills and put food on the table. I do, too. But many people I encounter in my financial planning work seem to want “more” money, but they don’t know how much “more” is, nor do they know what having more money will mean to them.

As a result, this is an area where I spend a lot of time exploring and challenging people to be specific and answer WHY they want more money. In some cases, we determine that they don’t even need more money, but they thought they did because everyone does, right?

So, once again, let’s think about the benefits of having more money, instead of just pursuing the idea of more money:

• Having more financial confidence can give you the courage to make decisions you might not otherwise make
• Having more money might allow you to spend more time with your family and friends
• More money might give your the ability to become more involved with your charitable interests
• More money might allow you to help care for aging parents
• More money could allow you to better pursue your passions and make the most of your one shot at life

I hope you’re beginning to see the benefits of changing your perspective or context when thinking about things. Even though you know what you should be doing, that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to do it. Perhaps by asking different questions or considering other benefits, you can find the motivation that best works for you.

Share your thoughts, comments or motivations for changing behavior in your life, whether with regard to health, finances, relationships or anything else.